Worrywart!

Sam’s mother Elsa is portrayed as an antagonist from the beginning of Atypical. She is a worrywart, a fussyboi, a negative nancy. With Elsa built up as a strawman, it’s easy to dismiss her point of view. She is a helicopter parent, choking her autistic son’s potential. However, her argument is less self important and more nuanced than it seems. In the show, she obsessively rewashes the dishes after her daughter, and fusses over ordering the correct material of shirt for Sam. The idea of him dating scares her. This paints her in the harsh light of the control freak. However, It’s not as simple as she can’t stand not having control over her son.

Her protective nature towards Sam may seem extreme, but it was born out of necessity. As a young child, Sam couldn’t pick up on facial cues. It was Elsa who taught him how to function. Her husband, Doug, is easier to like. Worry free. However, he didn’t play the role of guiding Sam through his youth. He has been afforded the luxury of not having to worry, as Elsa took on the burden. Sam still doesn’t understand how to navigate social situations. It’s cause for celebration that he hasn’t had a meltdown in over a month. He walks into the street with his eyes closed. He has needed her protection in the past. It’s only natural for her to be protective still. This instinct is in moms of neurotypical children, so you can imagine how these motherly instincts would be amplified with an autistic son.

Elsa’s behavior is completely understandable. However, that does not mean I agree with her actions. She has to loosen her hold on him for him to grow. I was the baby of a family with six children. This means my mom coddled me as much as she could. She made all my meals and didn’t make me do chores. She kept track of my grades and made me complete my assignments. The result was, I never learned to be independent. I don’t know how to take care of myself. I can’t cook. Boil water? What am I, a chemist? I know my mother was only being the best mother she knew how to be. I know Elsa is too. But in trying to protect sam, she is stifling him.

If Sam wants to begin dating, I believe the best motherly decision would be to support him in his endeavors. If not now, when? Surely Elsa doesn’t want him to feel alone throughout his life, yet that is the likely outcome of her well intended actions. His interest in others is something to be celebrated, not condemned. Dating does rely on all the things he doesn’t understand, like body language and jokes. This scares Elsa. However, This means his interest in dating provides the perfect opportunity for him to learn. She is afraid of him failing, but failing is an important part of understanding. Learning social cues and body language naturally just isn’t possible when you are coddled in your mom’s protective grasp. Her help is hurting, now. Maybe he’s not ready. But that’s okay.